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Dec. 17th, 2013 04:35 pmtom_hannigerWho: Tom, Axel
What: Pain
When: Various years
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
In a town like Harmony where was only a limited amount of things for a teenage boy to do. Get into trouble, get a job, and screw around. The population was too small to afford any real privacy and everyone knew everyone else. That girl you like in second period algebra? Her mom is on the city council. The girl next to her? Her parents own the only grocery store.
Axel and Tom had known each other almost as long as they could remember. Their fathers were close friends and the boy's had grown up doing everything together. After Tom's mom died he remembered practically moving in with the Palmers while his dad sorted out the estate. Sorted out himself. He remembered their first day of little league, he remembered their first Boy Scouts soap box derby, he remembered staying up all night under the covers with a flashlight reading comic books and very seriously debating the merits of spider senses vs super speed.
The years passed and they stayed together, attached at the hip. The years passed and they matured. Comic books were laid to the side and curious hands found each other in the darkness.
They never thought anything of it. It felt good, to lay against the person who knew you best in the whole world. Who loved you best, even if it was never articulated quite like that. A blurry field of gray between friends and something they had no concept of.
They came to an age of discovery and upon reaching puberty they were still attached. Logic came into play and they would spend long summer nights laying on the floor of Tom's treehouse staring at the stars. One would roll onto the other and they would stare for minutes, taking each other in before grinning and launching into motion - grabbing their prey's belt and tugging fabric and leather down around their ankles.
And they never thought anything of it.
Middle school came and went. High school started, they discovered girls, and while they were available neither one took to any.
They learned there was a name for what they did but it surely didn't apply. They were just being natural with one another. They were sixteen and discovering their bodies. But they knew better than to be so open about it. Tom in particular. Still, they could be foolish.
In Jr. Year, one night after Football Tom remembered driving to the nearby diner his team would dominate. He remembered sneaking Axel a look and then meeting him in the bathroom, colliding and shoving themselves into a stall with passion and adrenaline left over from the game. "You're so hot," Axel hissed, devouring the skin between Tom's jaw and collar bone, one hand curled into his shirtcollar, the other snaking down the front of his pants. Tom couldn't help but melt into it, a small moan escaping from his lips, head craning back to give him access to anything he wanted. "I'm gonna fuck you tonight-" Tom answered, breathless, hands moving up into the other's hair.
The bathroom door opened. They froze, pressed against one another and suddenly terrified, watching a shadow move across the floor as the unidentified man went about his business. They waited for a moment for the sounds of him to go and leave but there was nothing.
"Ahem, buddy, someone in there?" The man asked, obviously needing the stall. Tom and Axel stared at each other in horror. "Oh, shit," Tom mouthed. What do we do? Axel shook his head before getting an idea.
"Gimmie a sec, dude. You're talking to me is making this weird. Would'ja mind?"
The man grumbled but agreed. They waited until the door closed before unlocking the stall and taking a deep breath. That had been so close. Only now they were trapped in the bathroom. A quick discussion and Axel left, nodding to the man. Tom positioned himself on the other side of the stall in front of a urinal and went about his business before leaving like nothing happened.
Their hearts thundered in their chests for the rest of the night.
There had been a few more close calls but nothing life ruining.
Homecoming came and went, their first big school activity as Seniors. Tom was voted Homecoming King without even entering his name. Sarah Mercer, a close friend with whom he occasionally flirted won Queen. He'd been made to take her to the dance, knowing they were both in the running and it made sense. It wasn't as though he could/would go with Axel. But it didn't stop them sucking each other off, later.
Axel, likewise took Irene, one of Sarah's cheerleader friends. They were both very popular. They'd been approached by several girls. None of them were particularly interesting, but it wouldn't be right to go without a date. There was an after party in The Hanniger mine. Tom and Axel stole away to a different tunnel for the rest of the night.
They didn't think anything of it.
But now they were seventeen and a half and at the end of the year. Prom was quickly approaching. Axel and Tom were laying on the floor of his treehouse with a twelve pack of beer, laying next to each other under the comforter from Tom's bed.
There were a million awkward things popping up. Sarah and Irene had been trying to attach themselves to them. They had a huge game coming up. Finals, college acceptances, after school jobs, all kinds of things. But they still had each other.
Even though Tom seemed to have been pulling away over the last few months, ever since Homecoming. Spending a lot of time with Sarah. Spending a lot of time with other friends. Not answering calls as often as he could be. Not answering texts as quickly. But he would still meet Axel here. He would still go to his place up in the hills to hide away in each other's strong arms. It was natural. But Tom was distant.
That night he was in the same mood. Distant, barely present. Axel had been talking about prom.
What: Pain
When: Various years
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
In a town like Harmony where was only a limited amount of things for a teenage boy to do. Get into trouble, get a job, and screw around. The population was too small to afford any real privacy and everyone knew everyone else. That girl you like in second period algebra? Her mom is on the city council. The girl next to her? Her parents own the only grocery store.
Axel and Tom had known each other almost as long as they could remember. Their fathers were close friends and the boy's had grown up doing everything together. After Tom's mom died he remembered practically moving in with the Palmers while his dad sorted out the estate. Sorted out himself. He remembered their first day of little league, he remembered their first Boy Scouts soap box derby, he remembered staying up all night under the covers with a flashlight reading comic books and very seriously debating the merits of spider senses vs super speed.
The years passed and they stayed together, attached at the hip. The years passed and they matured. Comic books were laid to the side and curious hands found each other in the darkness.
They never thought anything of it. It felt good, to lay against the person who knew you best in the whole world. Who loved you best, even if it was never articulated quite like that. A blurry field of gray between friends and something they had no concept of.
They came to an age of discovery and upon reaching puberty they were still attached. Logic came into play and they would spend long summer nights laying on the floor of Tom's treehouse staring at the stars. One would roll onto the other and they would stare for minutes, taking each other in before grinning and launching into motion - grabbing their prey's belt and tugging fabric and leather down around their ankles.
And they never thought anything of it.
Middle school came and went. High school started, they discovered girls, and while they were available neither one took to any.
They learned there was a name for what they did but it surely didn't apply. They were just being natural with one another. They were sixteen and discovering their bodies. But they knew better than to be so open about it. Tom in particular. Still, they could be foolish.
In Jr. Year, one night after Football Tom remembered driving to the nearby diner his team would dominate. He remembered sneaking Axel a look and then meeting him in the bathroom, colliding and shoving themselves into a stall with passion and adrenaline left over from the game. "You're so hot," Axel hissed, devouring the skin between Tom's jaw and collar bone, one hand curled into his shirtcollar, the other snaking down the front of his pants. Tom couldn't help but melt into it, a small moan escaping from his lips, head craning back to give him access to anything he wanted. "I'm gonna fuck you tonight-" Tom answered, breathless, hands moving up into the other's hair.
The bathroom door opened. They froze, pressed against one another and suddenly terrified, watching a shadow move across the floor as the unidentified man went about his business. They waited for a moment for the sounds of him to go and leave but there was nothing.
"Ahem, buddy, someone in there?" The man asked, obviously needing the stall. Tom and Axel stared at each other in horror. "Oh, shit," Tom mouthed. What do we do? Axel shook his head before getting an idea.
"Gimmie a sec, dude. You're talking to me is making this weird. Would'ja mind?"
The man grumbled but agreed. They waited until the door closed before unlocking the stall and taking a deep breath. That had been so close. Only now they were trapped in the bathroom. A quick discussion and Axel left, nodding to the man. Tom positioned himself on the other side of the stall in front of a urinal and went about his business before leaving like nothing happened.
Their hearts thundered in their chests for the rest of the night.
There had been a few more close calls but nothing life ruining.
Homecoming came and went, their first big school activity as Seniors. Tom was voted Homecoming King without even entering his name. Sarah Mercer, a close friend with whom he occasionally flirted won Queen. He'd been made to take her to the dance, knowing they were both in the running and it made sense. It wasn't as though he could/would go with Axel. But it didn't stop them sucking each other off, later.
Axel, likewise took Irene, one of Sarah's cheerleader friends. They were both very popular. They'd been approached by several girls. None of them were particularly interesting, but it wouldn't be right to go without a date. There was an after party in The Hanniger mine. Tom and Axel stole away to a different tunnel for the rest of the night.
They didn't think anything of it.
But now they were seventeen and a half and at the end of the year. Prom was quickly approaching. Axel and Tom were laying on the floor of his treehouse with a twelve pack of beer, laying next to each other under the comforter from Tom's bed.
There were a million awkward things popping up. Sarah and Irene had been trying to attach themselves to them. They had a huge game coming up. Finals, college acceptances, after school jobs, all kinds of things. But they still had each other.
Even though Tom seemed to have been pulling away over the last few months, ever since Homecoming. Spending a lot of time with Sarah. Spending a lot of time with other friends. Not answering calls as often as he could be. Not answering texts as quickly. But he would still meet Axel here. He would still go to his place up in the hills to hide away in each other's strong arms. It was natural. But Tom was distant.
That night he was in the same mood. Distant, barely present. Axel had been talking about prom.
no subject
Date: 2013-12-22 02:38 am (UTC)She your girlfriend now?
It stung. And it hit it's mark right under his skin. He should have taken a breath and let it go. Taken a step back and considered the situation, tried to see it from Axel's point of view. But he didn't. He didn't even think to, he just flew off the handle like he always did when Axel pushed his buttons. And so he pushed them back.
"Well what if I am?" He flung back, leaning in slightly, venom dripping from his tongue. "What the fuck else am I supposed to do, take you?!
no subject
Date: 2013-12-22 05:07 pm (UTC)He was sitting up now, his beer sitting open and half-finished nearby, momentarily forgotten. He knew exactly what would happen if anything about what their friendship had turned into over the years became public. This wasn't a good place to be honest with people, and in his opinion, it wasn't anyone's damn business what they did on their own time.
He was willing not to talk about what they did. It was easier that way. That didn't mean that he was okay with watching Tom pretend to be someone else entirely for everyone else's benefit.
"I just don't get why you have to take anyone at all. Go if you want, but you don't have to be all fuckin' cozy with Sarah just to go to your damn prom."
no subject
Date: 2013-12-23 09:37 pm (UTC)"Are you jealous of Sarah?"
Really? Because wow.
"Shit, you shouldn't be. She's just a friend." And besides, like Axel should even care. They'd both flirted with girls. They'd both taken them out, hell they'd even gone dutch with Sarah and Irene once. Didn't matter they payed more attention to each other. Boys will be boys, right?
"You're talking like you're my girlfriend or something." It was unbecoming.
no subject
Date: 2013-12-25 03:10 pm (UTC)Maybe she was 'just a friend' to Tom, but watching from the sidelines, it sure as hell didn't seem that way. It wasn't hard to see that Sarah didn't feel that way about it, either.
It was Tom's tone more than the words that stung. Like he didn't get why Axel was upset, like he didn't think he had a right to be. Like he didn't understand why, in any way, shape, or form, Axel would be put out by how he'd been acting lately.
"It's not just about Sarah," he sniped. "You've been blowing me off lately, you've been-- not fuckin' you. Always like you'd rather be anywhere than here, the way you're always tuning out."
no subject
Date: 2013-12-25 03:46 pm (UTC)But there it was.
"It wouldn't be an issue if you'd just chill the fuck out. You've got some bug up your ass like I belong to you, but I don't."
Harsher words than he'd meant.
They both knew they had something special. That they did, in fact, belong to each other in a certain manner of speaking. More than they were willing to articulate. I love you had never been a phrase between them but it was understood.
Now that they were older, though, it had taken on so much more meaning. Now that they knew what love was.
Truth be told, Tom was scared. He needed space.
"What do you want me to do, blank her? Are you threatened by her?"
no subject
Date: 2013-12-26 04:57 pm (UTC)No. Because they didn't even know what to call any of this, so how could he come out and say that he was threatened? What was being threatened?
He knew. Tom knew, too, but seemed less likely to admit it, even to himself.
"The fuck is wrong with you? What am I supposed to chill out about? I'm supposed to be happy that my-- that you're apparently to good to be here unless you fucking want something from me?"
no subject
Date: 2013-12-26 09:04 pm (UTC)"That's bullshit, Axel." Ground out as though the words might become dust between his teeth.
He didn't know what the other wanted from him. He wasn't being clear enough. One more thing to fucking dance around before anything made sense. He sighed, and tried again. Still agitated, but he was trying.
"What do you want from me, huh? Speak some fucking english and lay it out 'cuz I seem to be missing the memo. here"
no subject
Date: 2014-01-04 02:30 am (UTC)If it was bullshit, why was it so damn hard to keep Tom's attention? Why the hell was every conversation like pulling teeth? Why did he feel like he had to chase his best friend down and pin him to the wall to get him to stand still for more than two minutes at a time? Nothing was the way it used to be, and he hated that.
He hated change.
"You want to play that card, huh. You want me to believe that you really don't get what all of this is about. I know that's not true. You're not stupid, Tom." No. Definitely not stupid. Just ignorant. In denial.
"I want you to actually act like you fucking want to be here when you're here, and I'm fucking tired of watching you play footsie with fucking Sarah in public when you're my fucking boyfriend."
no subject
Date: 2014-01-04 02:48 am (UTC)Boyfriend.
And Tom is dumbstruck for a moment. It makes him want to recoil and run. He's not anyone's boyfriend. But this moment-
This end, this fight, that word they created it together.
And he froze, searching for the right response and knowing- knowing this was it.
"Ax..I."
Boyfriends, was that what they were? Dirty unnatural faggots. Impossible.
"I'm not your boyfriend.."
no subject
Date: 2014-01-11 07:43 am (UTC)Four words that hurt a hell of a lot more than he'd realized they would. Some small part of him knew they were coming, and he hated that part of him for being right.
Fuck.
"No? Then what the fuck are we doing here? What, you fuckin' do this with all your friends? Come around whenever you feel like it and beg them to fuck you in the ass? You goddamn asshole."
Shit. Tom knew exactly what this was and he'd flat-out denied it. He really didn't need to hear anything beyond that. He wasn't sure he could.