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Dec. 17th, 2013 04:35 pmtom_hannigerWho: Tom, Axel
What: Pain
When: Various years
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
In a town like Harmony where was only a limited amount of things for a teenage boy to do. Get into trouble, get a job, and screw around. The population was too small to afford any real privacy and everyone knew everyone else. That girl you like in second period algebra? Her mom is on the city council. The girl next to her? Her parents own the only grocery store.
Axel and Tom had known each other almost as long as they could remember. Their fathers were close friends and the boy's had grown up doing everything together. After Tom's mom died he remembered practically moving in with the Palmers while his dad sorted out the estate. Sorted out himself. He remembered their first day of little league, he remembered their first Boy Scouts soap box derby, he remembered staying up all night under the covers with a flashlight reading comic books and very seriously debating the merits of spider senses vs super speed.
The years passed and they stayed together, attached at the hip. The years passed and they matured. Comic books were laid to the side and curious hands found each other in the darkness.
They never thought anything of it. It felt good, to lay against the person who knew you best in the whole world. Who loved you best, even if it was never articulated quite like that. A blurry field of gray between friends and something they had no concept of.
They came to an age of discovery and upon reaching puberty they were still attached. Logic came into play and they would spend long summer nights laying on the floor of Tom's treehouse staring at the stars. One would roll onto the other and they would stare for minutes, taking each other in before grinning and launching into motion - grabbing their prey's belt and tugging fabric and leather down around their ankles.
And they never thought anything of it.
Middle school came and went. High school started, they discovered girls, and while they were available neither one took to any.
They learned there was a name for what they did but it surely didn't apply. They were just being natural with one another. They were sixteen and discovering their bodies. But they knew better than to be so open about it. Tom in particular. Still, they could be foolish.
In Jr. Year, one night after Football Tom remembered driving to the nearby diner his team would dominate. He remembered sneaking Axel a look and then meeting him in the bathroom, colliding and shoving themselves into a stall with passion and adrenaline left over from the game. "You're so hot," Axel hissed, devouring the skin between Tom's jaw and collar bone, one hand curled into his shirtcollar, the other snaking down the front of his pants. Tom couldn't help but melt into it, a small moan escaping from his lips, head craning back to give him access to anything he wanted. "I'm gonna fuck you tonight-" Tom answered, breathless, hands moving up into the other's hair.
The bathroom door opened. They froze, pressed against one another and suddenly terrified, watching a shadow move across the floor as the unidentified man went about his business. They waited for a moment for the sounds of him to go and leave but there was nothing.
"Ahem, buddy, someone in there?" The man asked, obviously needing the stall. Tom and Axel stared at each other in horror. "Oh, shit," Tom mouthed. What do we do? Axel shook his head before getting an idea.
"Gimmie a sec, dude. You're talking to me is making this weird. Would'ja mind?"
The man grumbled but agreed. They waited until the door closed before unlocking the stall and taking a deep breath. That had been so close. Only now they were trapped in the bathroom. A quick discussion and Axel left, nodding to the man. Tom positioned himself on the other side of the stall in front of a urinal and went about his business before leaving like nothing happened.
Their hearts thundered in their chests for the rest of the night.
There had been a few more close calls but nothing life ruining.
Homecoming came and went, their first big school activity as Seniors. Tom was voted Homecoming King without even entering his name. Sarah Mercer, a close friend with whom he occasionally flirted won Queen. He'd been made to take her to the dance, knowing they were both in the running and it made sense. It wasn't as though he could/would go with Axel. But it didn't stop them sucking each other off, later.
Axel, likewise took Irene, one of Sarah's cheerleader friends. They were both very popular. They'd been approached by several girls. None of them were particularly interesting, but it wouldn't be right to go without a date. There was an after party in The Hanniger mine. Tom and Axel stole away to a different tunnel for the rest of the night.
They didn't think anything of it.
But now they were seventeen and a half and at the end of the year. Prom was quickly approaching. Axel and Tom were laying on the floor of his treehouse with a twelve pack of beer, laying next to each other under the comforter from Tom's bed.
There were a million awkward things popping up. Sarah and Irene had been trying to attach themselves to them. They had a huge game coming up. Finals, college acceptances, after school jobs, all kinds of things. But they still had each other.
Even though Tom seemed to have been pulling away over the last few months, ever since Homecoming. Spending a lot of time with Sarah. Spending a lot of time with other friends. Not answering calls as often as he could be. Not answering texts as quickly. But he would still meet Axel here. He would still go to his place up in the hills to hide away in each other's strong arms. It was natural. But Tom was distant.
That night he was in the same mood. Distant, barely present. Axel had been talking about prom.
What: Pain
When: Various years
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
In a town like Harmony where was only a limited amount of things for a teenage boy to do. Get into trouble, get a job, and screw around. The population was too small to afford any real privacy and everyone knew everyone else. That girl you like in second period algebra? Her mom is on the city council. The girl next to her? Her parents own the only grocery store.
Axel and Tom had known each other almost as long as they could remember. Their fathers were close friends and the boy's had grown up doing everything together. After Tom's mom died he remembered practically moving in with the Palmers while his dad sorted out the estate. Sorted out himself. He remembered their first day of little league, he remembered their first Boy Scouts soap box derby, he remembered staying up all night under the covers with a flashlight reading comic books and very seriously debating the merits of spider senses vs super speed.
The years passed and they stayed together, attached at the hip. The years passed and they matured. Comic books were laid to the side and curious hands found each other in the darkness.
They never thought anything of it. It felt good, to lay against the person who knew you best in the whole world. Who loved you best, even if it was never articulated quite like that. A blurry field of gray between friends and something they had no concept of.
They came to an age of discovery and upon reaching puberty they were still attached. Logic came into play and they would spend long summer nights laying on the floor of Tom's treehouse staring at the stars. One would roll onto the other and they would stare for minutes, taking each other in before grinning and launching into motion - grabbing their prey's belt and tugging fabric and leather down around their ankles.
And they never thought anything of it.
Middle school came and went. High school started, they discovered girls, and while they were available neither one took to any.
They learned there was a name for what they did but it surely didn't apply. They were just being natural with one another. They were sixteen and discovering their bodies. But they knew better than to be so open about it. Tom in particular. Still, they could be foolish.
In Jr. Year, one night after Football Tom remembered driving to the nearby diner his team would dominate. He remembered sneaking Axel a look and then meeting him in the bathroom, colliding and shoving themselves into a stall with passion and adrenaline left over from the game. "You're so hot," Axel hissed, devouring the skin between Tom's jaw and collar bone, one hand curled into his shirtcollar, the other snaking down the front of his pants. Tom couldn't help but melt into it, a small moan escaping from his lips, head craning back to give him access to anything he wanted. "I'm gonna fuck you tonight-" Tom answered, breathless, hands moving up into the other's hair.
The bathroom door opened. They froze, pressed against one another and suddenly terrified, watching a shadow move across the floor as the unidentified man went about his business. They waited for a moment for the sounds of him to go and leave but there was nothing.
"Ahem, buddy, someone in there?" The man asked, obviously needing the stall. Tom and Axel stared at each other in horror. "Oh, shit," Tom mouthed. What do we do? Axel shook his head before getting an idea.
"Gimmie a sec, dude. You're talking to me is making this weird. Would'ja mind?"
The man grumbled but agreed. They waited until the door closed before unlocking the stall and taking a deep breath. That had been so close. Only now they were trapped in the bathroom. A quick discussion and Axel left, nodding to the man. Tom positioned himself on the other side of the stall in front of a urinal and went about his business before leaving like nothing happened.
Their hearts thundered in their chests for the rest of the night.
There had been a few more close calls but nothing life ruining.
Homecoming came and went, their first big school activity as Seniors. Tom was voted Homecoming King without even entering his name. Sarah Mercer, a close friend with whom he occasionally flirted won Queen. He'd been made to take her to the dance, knowing they were both in the running and it made sense. It wasn't as though he could/would go with Axel. But it didn't stop them sucking each other off, later.
Axel, likewise took Irene, one of Sarah's cheerleader friends. They were both very popular. They'd been approached by several girls. None of them were particularly interesting, but it wouldn't be right to go without a date. There was an after party in The Hanniger mine. Tom and Axel stole away to a different tunnel for the rest of the night.
They didn't think anything of it.
But now they were seventeen and a half and at the end of the year. Prom was quickly approaching. Axel and Tom were laying on the floor of his treehouse with a twelve pack of beer, laying next to each other under the comforter from Tom's bed.
There were a million awkward things popping up. Sarah and Irene had been trying to attach themselves to them. They had a huge game coming up. Finals, college acceptances, after school jobs, all kinds of things. But they still had each other.
Even though Tom seemed to have been pulling away over the last few months, ever since Homecoming. Spending a lot of time with Sarah. Spending a lot of time with other friends. Not answering calls as often as he could be. Not answering texts as quickly. But he would still meet Axel here. He would still go to his place up in the hills to hide away in each other's strong arms. It was natural. But Tom was distant.
That night he was in the same mood. Distant, barely present. Axel had been talking about prom.
no subject
Date: 2013-12-18 05:44 am (UTC)It had started out slow, but it wasn't long before it had become more noticeable, difficult to ignore. It was a break in the status quo, a distinct change from how things had been, how things had always been. Regardless of what they wanted to call it now, even aside from the things they were willing to do but never talk about, they were best friends. They always had been, inseparable, for as long as either one of them could remember.
It made it feel that much more foreign now that things were changing.
Axel snapped his fingers a few times directly in front of Tom's eyes, craning his neck to look up from where he'd been laying with his head resting against his other hand.
"Hey," he said sharply, the faintest edge of annoyance in his voice. "Are you even listening to me? You've been spaced out all night." Get with it, Tom.
no subject
Date: 2013-12-18 01:58 pm (UTC)Tom looked at his friend, staying still but turning his gaze before deciding that he was required for whatever conversation this was supposed to be and shifting slightly to prove he was listening, wondering if this was the same talk he'd zoned out of.
"I'm here." An automatic response. This had been building up for a while now. This, whatever this was. It sat heavy on his shoulders. They were growing up. It was getting complicated. They had learned to doubt. To really feel. To consider the future. It was terrifying.
"I'm on the royalty list." For Prom, if that was what they were still even talking about. It had been awkward to win Homecoming, but he thought it maybe had something to do with his position on the football team. He thought this was probably just the same. And true to course Sarah Mercer was in the running for Queen. They were a shoo in. A match the whole school rooted for but couldn't understand why it hadn't happened yet.
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Date: 2013-12-19 12:07 am (UTC)He sighed, a short exhale of breath that came out sounding half-defeated before he let that bit of information sink in. Royalty list. Prom had come up, which meant it was relevant, but half of what had come out of Axel's mouth concerning it had been disparaging remarks, dismissing it as some stupid high school ritual that it was a friggin' shame people felt like they had to participate in.
All that aside, he wanted to go, but he'd rather go alone than take Irene again, or someone like her. Someone he didn't give two shits about.
"Fuck 'em. You don't really care about that royalty shit anyway, do you? They shoved you into Homecoming."
no subject
Date: 2013-12-19 03:23 am (UTC)As much as Axel would tolerate.
"It looks good on the college stuff."
As if he were going to go to college. He was already down working shifts in the mine, as if he needed another thing to take up what little free time he had, but his dad had decided it was time to learn the family business and there hadn't been much of a discussion. Elias Hanniger wasn't a man of discussion, he was a man of decision. And his word was law.
Law of the household, law of the land.
But still, Tom could dream. He was star quarterback for the Panthers. His grades weren't perfect and so playing well and having good honors and extras meant a shot at a scholarship, maybe even one out of state. Plus it was kind of expected of him, being in the public eye as much as he was.
"I applied to NYU." A little secret he'd been keeping from everyone since application rounds the year before. He didn't have much of a prayer of getting in, but if he did he would go.
no subject
Date: 2013-12-19 07:17 am (UTC)It wasn't as dismissive as it could have been. He almost wanted to argue, point out that no college cared about a damn popularity contest, especially when you compared it to grades or athletics, but it was pointless.
College? Hardly anyone in Harmony went to college. The town was small enough that you'd miss it if you blinked while driving through. Kids started working for their parents as soon as they were old enough to carry a tray or bag groceries and Tom was no exception. If anything, the expectations were higher for him. Axel, too -- fathers both pillars of the community, both expecting their sons to take over for them when they decided it was time to retire and get fat off the business instead of working it.
Nobody left Harmony, but if you had to stay there, it was good to be a Hanniger or a Palmer.
"Your dad's never gonna let you go. Neither one of us is getting out of here. They've got everything planned out until we hit retirement."
no subject
Date: 2013-12-19 05:19 pm (UTC)It was true. They were the town princes and some day they would be kings. Something he used to look forward to. Now he wasn't so sure but Axel was right. His whole life was planned out for it. What choice did he have? And how hard was he willing to push to see if it was really true.
Tom had applied just to see if he could, but he hadn't even been able to pick a real major. He knew he didn't have an academic future waiting for him. He had the mine.
"Thought maybe I'd get out of this craphole for a few years and come back better for it. Actually run the business."
He didn't understand the numbers. He could tell you how much they produced, how many workers they had and how many shipments went out a week, who their clients were, how to operate the underground power systems, how to bleed the lines, how to keep from having a panic attack two hundred feet underground, but it was more than that. The mine needed updating. The business was strong but there were other options. Coal wouldn't be the best choice forever and they were already seeing a dip in their margins. He needed to know how to deal with these things.
Or, maybe, just do what his dad did and leave it to the board.
"Everything the sun touches is our kingdom, Simba." A smirk. He leaned in, ghosting his lips over the shell of Axel's ear. "But you must never go into the shadow lands."
And then sudden tickles.
no subject
Date: 2013-12-20 06:55 am (UTC)But that had never done much to stop him from enjoying himself in the right company. He knew how to have fun, how to relax and screw around just like any other kid his age. The difference now was that he was too caught up in the way things had been changing to be receptive.
Tom always did this. Got distance, spaced out-- then thought he could bounce back from it with teasing, try to get himself a laugh with horseplay taking the place of an apology. It used to work. Now? Not so much.
"Cut it out." He still wore a half-smile as he shrugged himself out from Tom's assault, but it was fading fast. "This stuff is serious. You're actin' all--" He cut himself off with a short huff, frustrated with his inability to articulate it.
"Fuckin' weird. You're different."
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Date: 2013-12-20 05:16 pm (UTC)"Oh Jesus, Axel what is wrong with you, you've been pissed off all month."
He had noticed, he just didn't want to deal with it, choosing to bury himself in other things which, in hindsight, had only made matters worse.
If he was the playful one, then Axel was the smart one. Tom didn't think himself dumb, he did alright for himself, but Axel was as smart as a whip. He was naturally on it but growing up under The Sheriff? His unofficial deputy the moment he could string a sentence together? He'd grown up in the department just like Tom had the mine. He'd been trained to notice things and put them together since day one. He was clever, and most of all he knew when he was being bullshitted.
Incredibly helpful when he was in on shenanigans, but the biggest pain in the ass if he was focused in on you. Which he was now. It didn't matter that Tom was used to how his friend's mind worked because Axel would pick up on some tiny little thing (almost always a nonissue in Tom's opinion) and then blow it into a huge problem.
"What, you're pissed because I actually wanna go to Prom?" He asked, temper flaring. "Why do you care so much?"
no subject
Date: 2013-12-22 02:26 am (UTC)It definitely hadn't been the start of a game. His temper rose to match Tom's immediately, as it always did. When things were good, when they got along, it was great, but the other side of that coin was that when they fought, it always escalated quickly. Short tempers and both with a tendency towards overblown dramatics. Always the potential for fireworks.
"Who are you gonna fuckin' go with, Sarah again?" Homecoming, he could understand. He'd taken Irene, just like Tom had taken Sarah, and they'd both done what was expected of them. It was everything that came after that pissed him off. Everything in the wake of it that hurt. There had always been flirting, but it had never made him so angry until after that dance.
"She your girlfriend now? Might as well be, you're pretending hard enough."
no subject
Date: 2013-12-22 02:38 am (UTC)She your girlfriend now?
It stung. And it hit it's mark right under his skin. He should have taken a breath and let it go. Taken a step back and considered the situation, tried to see it from Axel's point of view. But he didn't. He didn't even think to, he just flew off the handle like he always did when Axel pushed his buttons. And so he pushed them back.
"Well what if I am?" He flung back, leaning in slightly, venom dripping from his tongue. "What the fuck else am I supposed to do, take you?!
no subject
Date: 2013-12-22 05:07 pm (UTC)He was sitting up now, his beer sitting open and half-finished nearby, momentarily forgotten. He knew exactly what would happen if anything about what their friendship had turned into over the years became public. This wasn't a good place to be honest with people, and in his opinion, it wasn't anyone's damn business what they did on their own time.
He was willing not to talk about what they did. It was easier that way. That didn't mean that he was okay with watching Tom pretend to be someone else entirely for everyone else's benefit.
"I just don't get why you have to take anyone at all. Go if you want, but you don't have to be all fuckin' cozy with Sarah just to go to your damn prom."
no subject
Date: 2013-12-23 09:37 pm (UTC)"Are you jealous of Sarah?"
Really? Because wow.
"Shit, you shouldn't be. She's just a friend." And besides, like Axel should even care. They'd both flirted with girls. They'd both taken them out, hell they'd even gone dutch with Sarah and Irene once. Didn't matter they payed more attention to each other. Boys will be boys, right?
"You're talking like you're my girlfriend or something." It was unbecoming.
no subject
Date: 2013-12-25 03:10 pm (UTC)Maybe she was 'just a friend' to Tom, but watching from the sidelines, it sure as hell didn't seem that way. It wasn't hard to see that Sarah didn't feel that way about it, either.
It was Tom's tone more than the words that stung. Like he didn't get why Axel was upset, like he didn't think he had a right to be. Like he didn't understand why, in any way, shape, or form, Axel would be put out by how he'd been acting lately.
"It's not just about Sarah," he sniped. "You've been blowing me off lately, you've been-- not fuckin' you. Always like you'd rather be anywhere than here, the way you're always tuning out."
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Date: 2013-12-25 03:46 pm (UTC)But there it was.
"It wouldn't be an issue if you'd just chill the fuck out. You've got some bug up your ass like I belong to you, but I don't."
Harsher words than he'd meant.
They both knew they had something special. That they did, in fact, belong to each other in a certain manner of speaking. More than they were willing to articulate. I love you had never been a phrase between them but it was understood.
Now that they were older, though, it had taken on so much more meaning. Now that they knew what love was.
Truth be told, Tom was scared. He needed space.
"What do you want me to do, blank her? Are you threatened by her?"
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Date: 2013-12-26 04:57 pm (UTC)No. Because they didn't even know what to call any of this, so how could he come out and say that he was threatened? What was being threatened?
He knew. Tom knew, too, but seemed less likely to admit it, even to himself.
"The fuck is wrong with you? What am I supposed to chill out about? I'm supposed to be happy that my-- that you're apparently to good to be here unless you fucking want something from me?"
no subject
Date: 2013-12-26 09:04 pm (UTC)"That's bullshit, Axel." Ground out as though the words might become dust between his teeth.
He didn't know what the other wanted from him. He wasn't being clear enough. One more thing to fucking dance around before anything made sense. He sighed, and tried again. Still agitated, but he was trying.
"What do you want from me, huh? Speak some fucking english and lay it out 'cuz I seem to be missing the memo. here"
no subject
Date: 2014-01-04 02:30 am (UTC)If it was bullshit, why was it so damn hard to keep Tom's attention? Why the hell was every conversation like pulling teeth? Why did he feel like he had to chase his best friend down and pin him to the wall to get him to stand still for more than two minutes at a time? Nothing was the way it used to be, and he hated that.
He hated change.
"You want to play that card, huh. You want me to believe that you really don't get what all of this is about. I know that's not true. You're not stupid, Tom." No. Definitely not stupid. Just ignorant. In denial.
"I want you to actually act like you fucking want to be here when you're here, and I'm fucking tired of watching you play footsie with fucking Sarah in public when you're my fucking boyfriend."
no subject
Date: 2014-01-04 02:48 am (UTC)Boyfriend.
And Tom is dumbstruck for a moment. It makes him want to recoil and run. He's not anyone's boyfriend. But this moment-
This end, this fight, that word they created it together.
And he froze, searching for the right response and knowing- knowing this was it.
"Ax..I."
Boyfriends, was that what they were? Dirty unnatural faggots. Impossible.
"I'm not your boyfriend.."
no subject
Date: 2014-01-11 07:43 am (UTC)Four words that hurt a hell of a lot more than he'd realized they would. Some small part of him knew they were coming, and he hated that part of him for being right.
Fuck.
"No? Then what the fuck are we doing here? What, you fuckin' do this with all your friends? Come around whenever you feel like it and beg them to fuck you in the ass? You goddamn asshole."
Shit. Tom knew exactly what this was and he'd flat-out denied it. He really didn't need to hear anything beyond that. He wasn't sure he could.