[She's not stupid. She knows it. They all know it. It makes her feel sick down in the pit of her stomach, but it's true. That's just how these things work.]
If I were you, I wouldn't want to spend my last few days slugging it out with James. I'd spent them with my wife.
[James is a friend, yes. No, she doesn't want to see his face being beaten in, but she didn't come down here to take sides. Nobody is going to be happy if she does, and she's no sure that she can, anyway. Tom and James haven't gotten along for a long time. None of them can deny that. Tom has a right to be angry, but James doesn't deserve being beaten to a pulp.
It could have been so much worse than it was. They're all lucky Dean stepped in when he did.]
I'm here because I'm worried about you. You lost it tonight, Tom. In a big way. You need to get a grip on things. I know it's a hell of a lot harder since you came back, and I'm not saying you don't have a right to be pissed, but you need to check yourself or one of these days, you're going to snap and you won't bounce back.
[What James deserves is all very much a matter of opinion. And oh boy does everybody have an opinion. He knows for a fact that Dean doesn't give a shit what the fight was about he just didn't want it to be happening.
But Emma keeps speaking and the topic turns to Tom, himself, and he knows she's right. On some level he can feel that he went too far and a few more strikes likely would have meant another notch in the belt for Jame's death count but fuck it- maybe then he'd understand what it was like to come back.]
Does it really matter, anymore?
[A small admission. He knows he slipped tonight. And emma has always been patient with him, listened to his rant, try to process what was going on inside him when he couldn't talk to anyone else. Didn't want to scare Jo.]
Emma, I have been trying so hard. I'm not sure I can control it anymore...and I'm not sure I care.
But we're all gonna die right? So all that matters is making sure I never become...this. All I've ever been is the outcast, and don't try an bullshit me over it, it's true. But it might not have to be. I never wanted to be.
Yes, it does. Even though we're not going back, it matters up until the very end.
[She won't argue him about being the outcast. She understands that better than most people. An orphan, shuffled from foster home to foster home, getting stuck with families who saw her as nothing more than a meal ticket, getting rid of her whenever she was too much trouble. She'd given up on fitting in anywhere a long time ago. Ran off and started jacking cars and robbing convenience stores to get by, crashing in motel rooms she'd never paid for. Even as an adult, she'd never put down roots anywhere, always an outcast, sometimes by choice, but usually not.
She got it.]
Maybe it'll be better for all of us this time around. We've been given the chance to change things. You might not go down the same path. But just because being here is about us changing the future, that doesn't mean you can give up on your present. There might not be much of it left, but- up until the very end, you owe it to yourself to keep trying. You owe it to Jo, too. What happens if the Jo here finds out about what happened in the bar?
She'd be furious.. [He murmurs, not even trying to censor himself. He doesn't need to with Emma, Not as much as he might, otherwise.]
You know, lovin' her is the only thing that keeps me together anymore. And by all accounts I shouldn't be able to, right? I've lost that part of me, the part that feels?
But I do.
An, shit James was just- he's always has bee- and I can't deal with it. I can't pretend it's not a thing because it is. I've got enough to worry about, addin' him to the pile isn't helping. What if he tries something? His ticket is up just like the rest of us.
[She gently pushes herself away from her wall to join him at his, leaving a good few inches of space between them as she leans back and re-crosses her arms, making herself comfortable there.]
Just like everything I do is for Henry. He's what keeps me going, even when things are at their worst. Maybe the fact that you love her so much is exactly why you didn't lose it when you can back.
[The barest flicker of a frown shows on her face before she looks back out towards the scene re-enacting itself in front of them. To people of the present, they would just be ghosts, but it was a fond memory for both of them.]
I'm not saying he's right. I don't think he'll try anything, that's not him, but I don't want you to think I'm not hearing you, either. I'm not an idealist, Tom. I don't sugarcoat things and I don't pretend things aren't what they are, but regardless of what you feel about James, you have to be a Tom that Jo would be proud of up until the very last second. Just like I have to be a mother that Henry can be proud of, even if sometimes I don't want to be. Sometimes I want to cut loose and just freaking lose it, and I've got nothing like your excuse.
But even though we're not going back? They're watching. Henry and Jo are both watching, so we need to make damn sure their present selves see that five years later, we are still worth putting their trust in.
He knows she's right and he can't even protest because there's absolutely nothing to fight about.
Every single little thing they do is being watched by their terrified friends and loved ones. And they're the ones doing the terrifying but there's all that much of of a choice.
A heavy sigh. He pinches the bridge of his nose before rubbing the back of his neck.]
I know.
[And he could go on a huge rant about how unfair everything is and how much he hates it, but what good would it do? None, is the answer. Nothing good would come out of being a child and having a fit.
He's not sorry, though. James deserved everything he got.]
Just. Gotta soldier on, huh. Business as usual, then.
[She grimaces, sympathetic at best. She knows it's not easy. She knows the last thing any of them want to do here at the end of the line is to bust their asses to stay strong. If there was ever a time to fall apart, this would be it -- but they can't. It's not an option.]
We'll manage it. We've pulled off greater feats, Tom.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2014-01-03 04:51 am (UTC)[He corrects her without looking over, perched as he is against the wall next to the door. As if going in any further might disrupt the proceedings.]
I'm not fooling myself into thinking I'll get to go back to this.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-03 04:54 am (UTC)[She's not stupid. She knows it. They all know it. It makes her feel sick down in the pit of her stomach, but it's true. That's just how these things work.]
If I were you, I wouldn't want to spend my last few days slugging it out with James. I'd spent them with my wife.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-03 04:56 am (UTC)Arms crossed.
He's so angry.]
Why do you all protect him so much? I'm so fuckin' sick of it. Try an' pull him up and he just falls back over like a big...drunk english baby.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-03 05:14 am (UTC)[James is a friend, yes. No, she doesn't want to see his face being beaten in, but she didn't come down here to take sides. Nobody is going to be happy if she does, and she's no sure that she can, anyway. Tom and James haven't gotten along for a long time. None of them can deny that. Tom has a right to be angry, but James doesn't deserve being beaten to a pulp.
It could have been so much worse than it was. They're all lucky Dean stepped in when he did.]
I'm here because I'm worried about you. You lost it tonight, Tom. In a big way. You need to get a grip on things. I know it's a hell of a lot harder since you came back, and I'm not saying you don't have a right to be pissed, but you need to check yourself or one of these days, you're going to snap and you won't bounce back.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-04 02:29 am (UTC)But Emma keeps speaking and the topic turns to Tom, himself, and he knows she's right. On some level he can feel that he went too far and a few more strikes likely would have meant another notch in the belt for Jame's death count but fuck it- maybe then he'd understand what it was like to come back.]
Does it really matter, anymore?
[A small admission. He knows he slipped tonight. And emma has always been patient with him, listened to his rant, try to process what was going on inside him when he couldn't talk to anyone else. Didn't want to scare Jo.]
Emma, I have been trying so hard. I'm not sure I can control it anymore...and I'm not sure I care.
But we're all gonna die right? So all that matters is making sure I never become...this. All I've ever been is the outcast, and don't try an bullshit me over it, it's true. But it might not have to be. I never wanted to be.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-04 03:10 am (UTC)[She won't argue him about being the outcast. She understands that better than most people. An orphan, shuffled from foster home to foster home, getting stuck with families who saw her as nothing more than a meal ticket, getting rid of her whenever she was too much trouble. She'd given up on fitting in anywhere a long time ago. Ran off and started jacking cars and robbing convenience stores to get by, crashing in motel rooms she'd never paid for. Even as an adult, she'd never put down roots anywhere, always an outcast, sometimes by choice, but usually not.
She got it.]
Maybe it'll be better for all of us this time around. We've been given the chance to change things. You might not go down the same path. But just because being here is about us changing the future, that doesn't mean you can give up on your present. There might not be much of it left, but- up until the very end, you owe it to yourself to keep trying. You owe it to Jo, too. What happens if the Jo here finds out about what happened in the bar?
no subject
Date: 2014-01-04 03:20 am (UTC)You know, lovin' her is the only thing that keeps me together anymore. And by all accounts I shouldn't be able to, right? I've lost that part of me, the part that feels?
But I do.
An, shit James was just- he's always has bee- and I can't deal with it. I can't pretend it's not a thing because it is. I've got enough to worry about, addin' him to the pile isn't helping. What if he tries something? His ticket is up just like the rest of us.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-04 10:01 pm (UTC)[She gently pushes herself away from her wall to join him at his, leaving a good few inches of space between them as she leans back and re-crosses her arms, making herself comfortable there.]
Just like everything I do is for Henry. He's what keeps me going, even when things are at their worst. Maybe the fact that you love her so much is exactly why you didn't lose it when you can back.
[The barest flicker of a frown shows on her face before she looks back out towards the scene re-enacting itself in front of them. To people of the present, they would just be ghosts, but it was a fond memory for both of them.]
I'm not saying he's right. I don't think he'll try anything, that's not him, but I don't want you to think I'm not hearing you, either. I'm not an idealist, Tom. I don't sugarcoat things and I don't pretend things aren't what they are, but regardless of what you feel about James, you have to be a Tom that Jo would be proud of up until the very last second. Just like I have to be a mother that Henry can be proud of, even if sometimes I don't want to be. Sometimes I want to cut loose and just freaking lose it, and I've got nothing like your excuse.
But even though we're not going back? They're watching. Henry and Jo are both watching, so we need to make damn sure their present selves see that five years later, we are still worth putting their trust in.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-12 11:30 pm (UTC)He knows she's right and he can't even protest because there's absolutely nothing to fight about.
Every single little thing they do is being watched by their terrified friends and loved ones. And they're the ones doing the terrifying but there's all that much of of a choice.
A heavy sigh. He pinches the bridge of his nose before rubbing the back of his neck.]
I know.
[And he could go on a huge rant about how unfair everything is and how much he hates it, but what good would it do? None, is the answer. Nothing good would come out of being a child and having a fit.
He's not sorry, though. James deserved everything he got.]
Just. Gotta soldier on, huh. Business as usual, then.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-14 03:43 am (UTC)[She grimaces, sympathetic at best. She knows it's not easy. She knows the last thing any of them want to do here at the end of the line is to bust their asses to stay strong. If there was ever a time to fall apart, this would be it -- but they can't. It's not an option.]
We'll manage it. We've pulled off greater feats, Tom.